Her Idea of Home
by Annika the Merciful
Summary: Emma is plagued by Nightmares after returning from Neverland and finds comfort in Hook along with an idea of home. Post Neverland. Captain Swan. Fluff.


**A/N: This idea has been bouncing around my head for a while now and it won't leave me alone so I finally decided to write it. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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They hadn't even made it back from Neverland when they started. The nightmares always came just as Emma was falling asleep trapping her in a realm that made it impossible for her to wake up and forget them. They trapped her, pulling her down repeating the images again and again, unrelenting. Night after night Emma was plagued with the haunting images of losing Henry, of him ripping out his heart for Pan, of losing her father to the dreamshade poison, of losing Hook. And night after night she would awake breathing heavily, sweating, and shaking uncontrollably. Rubbing her head Emma tried to nurse the tense muscles from her temples to the base of her neck but none would give away the tension that seemed to make itself at home there. Unable to bear the idea of returning to sleep Emma choose instead to walk up on deck enjoying the salty sea air and gentle breeze to help take away her worst fears.

As always the captain was stationed at the helm of his ship, even at night making sure they remained on course. They had landed out much farther than they had expected and so Killian was moving them through the waters quickly back towards Storybrooke, back towards home. With the idea of home Emma shuddered, she wasn't cold but she had realized that though Storybrooke housed all of her family it was not home to her anymore. She rested her elbows on the railing using her hands to prop her head up as she looked over the midnight blue water admiring the moon's reflection on its surface. The star glittered in the sky accompanying the moon's reflection in the water making it sparkle and shine. It was in that moment Emma realized that between all of her adventures the sea had become home to her. The smell of the its scent in the air, the movement of its waves, the majestic glimmering surface, all of it reminded her of home or rather of someone that smelled like the sea itself. The idea had come so quickly that it had startled Emma that Hook was her idea of home.

Emma heard the soft padding of his boots against the hard wood of the deck before she felt his presence behind her, standing just enough away to give her space and yet be close to her all at the same time. He had always done that give her the space she needed without making her feel like a caged animal, unlike Neal. "Evening Captain." She nodded her head to him in addition to the greeting; it had become a custom of theirs.

"Evenin' lass." He smiled as he came to stand next to her taking the greeting as an invitation to come closer. "What's brought you above deck this late at night?" His voice was quiet, they didn't need to speak in such low tones however neither one wanted to interrupt the easiness of the atmosphere surrounding them. Emma turned her eyes away from the sea making direct eye contact with him as she saw that he knew already what had brought her above deck. Open book.

"I think we both know what's brought me up on desk this late." Her voice was flat she didn't want to think about the images that she had still lingered behind her eyes. Even now she was fighting to keep them back from taking over her mind and her reality. She closed her eyes taking a deep breath before looking back into those blue eyes that made her lose track of everything around her and realize that there was nothing she could ever keep from him.

"When did they start?" Killian had known when he had watched her move around the deck below him. She had been so tense in the way she had carried herself, lost in her thoughts as he watched her move to the side of the boat. He had wanted to comfort her then but knew that it would be on her terms and when she was ready so he had waited, giving her space and time.

"In Neverland." Her response was short again. She moved back from the railing choosing to turn around and lean against it allowing the light breeze to move around her almost in an embrace. She sagged, wanting to leave the topic behind.

He nodded understanding her desire to move away from the current topic. Moving to grab her hand lightly in his Killian pulled her gently towards the helm. Confusion was written across her face as he moved them away from the railing unsure of what his plan was but following him with the faith and trust that she had stopped questioning long ago.

"You need more practice at the helm and now's as good as any." His voice was light as he placed her one hand on a peg moving to stand behind her as she placed her other hand where he had instructed. Emma turned around for a second giving him a smile of thanks before moving her eyes back towards the water taking in the feel of the wooden wheel beneath his fingers and the air in her hair.

The rest of the night was spent in easy silence only being interrupted by short bursts of conversation that moved with ease. Emma was grateful that Hook didn't push her and enjoyed his presence finding it restful and peaceful. Just as dawn was starting to come over the horizon Killian moved closer to her knowing that they would be in Storybrooke in a few hours and she should try and get at least some sleep. "Head back down and try and get some sleep love, you wouldn't want your family to worry about you." Killian had moved right behind her letting his chest come up against her back as he slowly removed her hands from the wheel replacing them with his own. She looked back at him a small smile tugging up the corners of her lips as she turned to lay a gossamer kiss on his cheek as she whispered a thank you before heading below deck to attempt a few hours of rest.

Killian held his breath as he watched her walk away unable to believe that the Fates would be so kind as to give him a night alone with his Swan, the woman he had come to love. He sighed and concentrated on the water instead of the lingering sensation of her lips on his skin.

The hours passed quickly as they returned to Storybrooke safe and sound. The hours turned into days and the days into weeks, passing quickly and fluidly. Everyone had settled back in allowing a fragile peace to encompass the town as there was no present threat from the outside world. Though it was a fragile peace nobody wanted to jinx it by questioning it so let they it lie and turned back to the lives they had before their adventures to follow Greg and Tamara to Neverland. They all took their time to adjust back to their lives, some readjusting faster than others. Regina and Emma had decided that there was no way that they could separate Henry from the other and they both agreed to share him equally. Henry suggested that Emma move into the spare room but the two women just looked at each other with the same less-than-pleased expression. They may have become friends while in Neverland but that didn't mean that they could survive living under the same roof. Gold had stepped in before anything could start instead proposing that the Charmings move out of the loft into a house, at no cost to them, as a thank you for everything that had happened in Neverland. This would allow Emma to take over the loft completely for herself and Henry would have his own room when he would spend the night. They had all mutually agreed.

The first week back Regina had asked for Henry and though Emma knew she didn't want Henry out of her sight she would still be seeing him around town and he would be safe under Regina's eyes. Emma had pushed the thought away that she had considered Regina safe without wanting to linger instead focusing on the happiness that filled her with the idea that she would be able to unwind and decompress in her own way after their trip to Neverland. Though the peace that came with the empty lost was welcome Emma had little time to rest. The nightmares that had seemed to take a break from their invasion were back in full force.

Over the next few weeks Emma made her best attempts at hiding the affects the nightmares were having on her successfully. No one had noticed or at least no one had mentioned the constant haunted look in her eyes and the tension radiating from her body and the growing bags under her eyes. The happiness that everyone had found had kept them distracted as they were wrapped in their own happy endings. Henry had been excited when Neal made it quite clear that he would be staying in Neverland to reunite their family making it a popular topic of conversation between him and Emma unaware of the pain Neal caused her. Neal followed Henry's lead pushing and pestering Emma incessantly trying to convince her he was worth a second chance.

Throughout the weeks that had been leading up to eventual breakdown there was only one person among the Neverland party that hadn't pushed her after their return. He waited patiently accepting any and all attention from her knowing that she had more than enough on her already heaping plate. He wanted an answer, he wanted to know who she would choose but he understood the stress though he gradually became more and more worried for her recognizing the signs of sleep deprivation at its best.

Emma had just relaxed into the couch, wrapped up in a warm blanket with a cup of steaming hot chocolate ready to watch a movie and ignore the world for a few hours when there was a rather insistent knock at her door. She had been with Henry, Neal, and her parents for the last two days and had wanted the night to relax. Tonight was Regina's night to have Henry and she had sent him on his way with a promise to meet him for lunch at Granny's tomorrow. She sighed getting out from underneath the warmth of the blanket before setting her hot chocolate down and walking to door finding Neal standing there as she opened it. Taking a deep breath Emma gave him an unhappy look. "Yes Neal?" She was not in the mood to deal with him, the nightmares had been constantly getting worse and the lack of sleep made Emma short with anyone who decided to cross her, with Neal at the top of her list tonight did not bode well.

Neal stood looking down at her determination clearly written into his features. "I figured with Henry gone we could have a movie night and catch up with some wine. I know you like red, I brought your favourite." His words were harsh and forced even as he raised the bottle to show in pride.

"Not tonight Neal." Emma turned away starting to close the door when she found that he had placed his foot in the way to stop her.

"You've been staying that for two weeks Emma. Come on, I know you want me back. I know you still love me." He was pleading with her to let him in, to give him a chance. Emma's head whipped back to his eyes narrowing at his words.

"Did you hear nothing of what I said in the echo caves?!" Emma was furious; she was exhausted and tired of his relentless nature even after all of her refusals to go on a date with him.

"You said you loved me." He gave her that charming smile of his as he moved closer, insider of her personal space making her uncomfortable and her walls come back up in a matter of seconds.

"You didn't listen to the rest of it did you." She shook her head pinching the bridge of her nose in an attempt to alleviate the growing headache. "I also told you of how painful it would for me to have you back in my life. There is too much pain, too much time has passed. Even if you did all of what you did in the name of love and destiny it doesn't matter. You did what you did and you have to live with the consequences with that. I will never want to be with you Neal. Never." Emma emphasized all of her words making it clear to him that she would never want him back and she would never love him the way she had when she was sixteen. She was a different person and after all that had happened it was impossible for them to turn back the clocks.

"That's a lie Emma and you know it!" Neal was frustrated unable to accept that he had lost her completely as he pushed his way past her into her apartment. "I know you love me still and I know I can prove to you and this," he gestured to the two of them "Is what you want not some daft old pirate with a drinking problem." His words were bitter poison as he mentioned Hook.

Emma took a step back from him reading the signs of his anger in his shoulders and face. "And that daft old pirate with a drinking problem is the only reason why my son is back and why you're even getting a chance to get to know him. So if you don't mind giving the man that saved Henry the slightest bit of respect." Emma stood up to her full height pushing her shoulders back and leveling Neal with such a glare that he stepped back for a minute. He wasn't used to this side of Emma.

"Don't you mean our son?" The disdain was back, he wasn't even going to touch the Hook subject.

"No. My son. You may be his father because we had sex but you left me pregnant while in jail for a crime _I_ did not commit. You were not the one who gave birth to him. You were not the one he found. So no, he is not our son he is my son." Neal was so surprised by the pain in Emma's voice that he hung his head in shame though still determined to win her over.

"I did it for you Emma. I did it so _you_ could break this stupid curse!" His rebuttal was weak as he struggled to see that he had lost her.

"No, you took the easy way out Neal." She turned away from him walking away to the other side of the island to put more space between them. "If it was truly my destiny to break the curse it would have happened regardless of if we were together or not. Destiny would have made it happen, that's how it works." She took a deep breath steadying her shaking heads and breath. "Now, I believe that I expressed a wish for you to leave." Her voice had frozen leaving no room for argument as Neal stared at her in shock before shooting her with a look of his own.

"Fine, I'll leave Emma but we are _not_ done. I _will_ win you, just wait." He turned and left shutting the door too hard as the sound echoed throughout the small apartment making Emma jump. Emma sighed heavily as she sagged against the counter having no energy to return to her movie or hot chocolate. Emma moved to lock the door, fold the blanket, and turn off the TV and DVD player before picking up her hot chocolate placing it in the refrigerator to be reheated at another time. Once she had finished picking up the living room she flipped the switch for the lights dousing the room in complete darkness as she moved towards her bed falling on it in a heap as she didn't have the energy to remove her clothes. Lying there Emma felt sleep pull her down even as she tried to fight against it but the pull was too strong and within a matter of moments Emma had been pulled into the world of unforgiving sleep.

Emma awoke with a start as she sat up, eyes unseeing panting and completely terrified. As the objects around her came into view she was able to calm herself down enough to remember that it had only been a dream, just a dream. She repeated the mantra to herself over and over though unable to relax enough to make herself fall asleep again. Without a second thought Emma stood up grabbing her shoes to slip them on before grabbing her red leather coat and keys as she moved to leave for a walk.

Moving swiftly and silently through the dark streets Emma made her way to the pier standing on the docks to take a deep breath as the salt spray washed over her removing the tension from her body in moments. She loved the sound of the waves as they lapped against the wood of the docks or the rocks and sand of the beach. She sighed wrapping her arms around herself as she let the smell of the salty air clear her mind and leaving a peace to her chest that she had desired for the last three weeks.

"Evenin' lass." Emma had felt him watching her as she had walked among the docks, her footsteps echoing in the quiet night before approaching. Turning to face him Emma gave him a weak smile,

"Evening Captain." Her words were more enunciated than was normal, the exhaustion and stress taking over as it removed the ease from their greeting.

"May I inquire as to why you're out here this late, love?" His smooth voice was a welcome change to Neal's harsh insistent voice that she had heard only hours before.

"The answer is the same as the last time we had this conversation." Emma turned back to the sea remembering the night that they had shared a month ago.

"Ah, I see. Well then, may I offer you a night cap? I've heard that there is a captain that has some of the finest rum in the area." His voice was easy and light giving her the invitation but allowing her to decline if she so choose. The idea of rum was appealing to Emma as she hoped it would numb her mind enough to allow her one night's sleep.

"Lead the way then good sir." Hook stood to the side flourishing his hook out allowing her to walk in front of him. Emma gave a small smile before walking towards the Jolly Roger. As Emma walked up the ramp leading to the main desk she allowed her fingers to brush over the smooth wood of the ship loving the feel of it as it once again reminded her of home. Once on desk Emma turned to Hook, "So where's the rum?" It was an easy and light question that made Hook chuckle.

"Follow me love." He gave her a smirk before heading off to one side where the captain's quarters were. Emma took a minute to look around after they had entered his cabin astonished at how well furnished his cabin was compared to the rest of the ship. The plush bed look liked heaven but the thought of sleep made her shudder and move to where he was standing next to his desk. The shudder had not gone unnoticed and Hook could only imagine the nightmares had gotten worse.

"When I first came back from Neverland I barely slept because of the nightmares." His voice was open mirroring the expression on his face as he handed her a small glass half full of the amber liquid. His statement made Emma still; she had come down to the docks to get away from the never ending nightmares that plagued her sleep not to be reminded of them. Taking the drink from his hand she took a long sip letting the liquor burn as it moved down her throat before responding to him.

"How did you make them go away?" She turned to look at him fully since she had met him on docks. As Emma took him in she noticed that he wasn't wearing his vest or coat as he was simply clothed in the thin cotton shirt and the leather pants. It was different to see him like this, he look relaxed and at ease.

"Too many women and too much alcohol." Killian's voice sounded strained but their relationship had moved beyond the point of saying anything other than the truth. Emma only nodded choosing instead to move around the cabin inspecting small trinkets that were placed as reminders of who he was and what he spent the last three hundred and some odd years doing. "I take it they are getting worse?" His voice was quiet still calming and placating trying to comfort her but wanting to know how bad they were.

"They never stop. They come every night now and I can't wake myself from them. It's horrible." Emma finished her drink trying to remove the images of that were quickly reawakening. "Sleep has become something that I dread." She was being completely honest with him knowing that out of everyone he would not judge her or coddle her.

"I'm sorry lass." Emma had come to hate those words as they had been repeated with so much frequency that the words were now lifeless and meaningless but coming from his mouth with the sadness present in his eyes as well as his face she couldn't help but know that they were completely genuine. He understood the pain she was going through and those words were of more comfort as they came from his lips than any other.

"Thank you." Emma moved to replace her cup on the desk before turning away and moving to sit on the couch in front of the smoldering coals in the fireplace. The couch was a rich red covered in soft velvet that made it comfortable and relaxing. Killian watched her as she just stared at the fire wishing for nothing but a good night of sleep. Killian watched as her eyes drifted slowly shut and her breath evened out as she had reclined against the entire thing moving her logs to stretch them out to the other end. Emma hadn't planned on falling asleep but the draw of the fire and liquor had relaxed her enough to drift back into the dream world.

Killian moved back to his desk staring at the nautical maps that covered it while mapping out possible routes to other places he'd like to visit in this world. The candle next to him had burned down half way when he heard the first of her whimpers. Standing Killian grabbed a blanket from his bed draping it over her and smoothing her hair. As soon as his hand brushed against her forehead and hair line she seemed to quiet down and after a few seconds of memorizing her face in sleep Killian moved back to his maps.

As Killian continued to work on his maps as well as writing down everything that happened as of late he made sure to check on her throughout the evening. He had settled down reclining in his chair as he took a small sip of the rum in his flask. It was then that Killian was startled while taking a drink nearly spilling the contents of the flask.

"No! No! Please, please don't take him!" Emma's voice was strained as her legs kicked off the restricting blanket needing to be free as she tried to grab for someone that seemed to be slipping from her hands. Killian moved quickly returning to cap to his flask and throwing it onto the desk as he moved kneeling beside her trying to calm her down.

"Emma! Emma, wake up!" Killian shook her shoulders trying to be gentle and bring her out of the dream that had ensnared her at the same time.

"No! You can't have them! You can't take them away from me!" Emma thrashed again nearly knocking Killian off of his feet if he hadn't ducked to miss her flailing arm. Killian grabbed both of her shoulders shaking her hard enough for her to open her eyes. Emma stared at him, eyes glossy and unseeing. She may have been awake but whatever image she saw hadn't left her yet.

"Swan! Come back to me Swan," Killian was yelling at her hoping to bring her back to reality and the rest of the way out of her nightmare. Emma blinked her eyes a few times before opening them and seeing Killian's worried face, eyes wide and pupils thin. "Emma?" His voice was hesitant and worried, concern written into his frame.

Emma fell against his chest clutching the thin material of his cotton shirt as the tears begin to run down her face in breathless sobs. Killian moved to sit on the couch holding Emma close to him as he rubbed gentle circles on her back muttering quietly words of comfort. Emma continued to hold onto his shirt tightly unwilling to let go of her only tie to reality. "Make them go away Killian. Make them stop." Emma broke into sobs again not realizing that she had called him by his proper name instead of his moniker. Killian's hand stilled unable to process the pain in her voice and the use of is actual name at the same time.

"Come here love." Killian moved her closer to her chest tucking her head into the crook of his neck before wrapping an arm around her back and moving the another underneath her knees picking her up. He brought her against his chest as he began walking across the cabin before setting her down onto his bed.

"No, please don't make me go back to sleep." Emma pleaded with him gripping his shoulders and neck unwilling to let him leave her.

"Shh, shh, it's okay Emma. I won't let you fall back asleep." He continued to cradle her as he moved into a more comfortable sitting position on the bed.

"They're so real." She broke the silence as she nuzzled her head against his chest. He sighed another part of his heart breaking for this strong woman.

"Come here, lie down with me." Killian lowered his voice as moved them to lie down in the bed before toeing off his boots. Emma curled up next to him as his arm remained wrapped around her waist holding her close as she allowed her head to rest against his chest right above his heart. Killian used his hooked arm to hold her close and the other arm to resume rubbing the soft comforting circles on her back. They lay together, curled against one another until all of the candles in the cabin and burned out leaving them soaking in the moonlight before Killian sat up partially as he removed her boots and coat for her before tucking her back into his side drawing the covers over them.

"Tell me a story?" Emma's voice softly broke through the gentle silence that had covered them hoping to give her something to think about other than the impending nightmares.

"How about a song?" Emma hummed her consent as she focused on the gentle consistent rhythm of his heartbeat. Killian's voice began singing a low melody of man who had been lost at sea for so long before finding his true love and coming home to her after his voyage. He could feel her smile against his chest as her eyes drifted shift inhaling his scent and relaxing against his side. The ballad ended leaving them in a silence that was both comforting and off putting at the same time.

"Thank you." The sleepiness was creeping back into her voice as it began to pull at her mind even as she tried to resist.

"Sleep Emma, I will remain by your side keeping the nightmares away." His voice was quiet but solid. He would never leave her side no matter what and Emma was grateful for that. He had never pushed himself on her always waiting for her to come to him when she was ready and willing. Emma drifted to sleep thinking of how much she truly cared for the man that was holding her. She thought of the kiss that they had shared while in Neverland and thinking that she wouldn't mind if they were to share another before falling asleep wrapped in his arms.

The night moved on as they continually slept peacefully while wrapped around the other simply enjoying the presence and reassurance that the other one brought. As morning dawned and light began to filter through the windows Killian stirred coming out of his deep sleep looking down, much to his pleasure, to find Emma still curled against his side with her head on his chest. Killian's smile grew, he had hoped that she would stay the entire night but had not counted on as he did not want to be disappointed when he woke up alone in the morning. He loved watching her sleep peacefully and secretly wished for many more morning of this in the future. It wasn't until the golden sunlight of the sunrise filled the cabin that Emma finally stirred waking up slowly as she blinked her eyes several times letting out a small yawn.

"Good morning love." Killian smiled down as he grazed her forehead lightly with a kiss before pulling back unsure of what he would see in her face. Emma's hand reached out slowly grazing the stubble on his jaw before bringing his lips down to hers for an easy and slow kiss. Killian's breath caught in his throat as he allowed her to set the pace for the kiss though he enjoyed the slow pace of lips to lips. After pulling back Emma smiled kissing his lips gently one more time before laying her head back down, "Let's spend the morning in bed." Killian could help the smile that pulled his lips all the way up.

They stayed there for the rest of the morning until it was completely necessary that Emma leave for lunch with Henry at Granny's. "Come to Granny's with me? I know Henry would love to see you again." She smiled at him as he stood by his desk picking up his discarded vest, slipping it back on.

"As you wish." Killian gave her a full smile loving the way he watched her eyes light up as he uttered those words. Once boots and coat had been put back on Killian offered his hand to her, "Shall we go together?"

Emma looked at the man before her. She had gotten the best night's sleep she had had since leaving for Neverland as she lay by his side. He had waited for her being patient and always understanding what she needed. Her heart had skipped a beat as he spoke those words again. _As you wish._ The butterflies were back and Emma had realized in that moment her choice was made, it was Hook-Killian and it would always be him. "Together." She slid her hand into his before pulling him close for another kiss seemingly unable to keep herself from kissing him. Killian hummed in happiness.

"If you keep doing that we're going to be late." He pulled back letting his eyes take her in.

"We best be on our way then." She headed out the door with him in toe, "Also, I may have to steal your bed more often." She smirked as he arched his eyebrows and his playful flirty smile came back.

"You can steal my bed anytime you wish love, just as long as I'm in." He short her another playful grin as they continued to walk elated at the ease with which she addressed him. He knew that some morning he would wake up and she would be gone unable to deal with the love and devotion that he was ready to give but he loved her still and they would work it out but for now he basked in her happiness and presence.

"I can agree to that." Emma smiled as she enjoyed thinking of Killian as home.

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Thanks for reading, please remember to review!

-Annika


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